Happy 3rd Birthday My Baby Boy

3 years ago at 11:43am, Greyson made his entrance into this world. I will never forget how terrified yet calm I felt. I was so worried because he was early - 7 weeks early - but in my gut I knew he would be ok. I've shared his birth story on here before, but basically I worked ALL day on November 6th - 8:15-6:15 and I was exhausted. I got home and my back started to hurt, which was a newer symptom that I hadn't experienced yet in pregnancy. I figured it was just from sitting at my desk most of the day. I probably just sat funny or maybe I needed a better chair or something. I decided to lay down in bed while Adam played video games with his friends. I watched Superstore on Hulu and tried to get comfortable. After a while of laying in bed the pain moved from my back into my stomach. It felt a little like period cramps so I figured it was braxton hicks or something. It was around midnight when Adam came in the room and by then I was very uncomfortable and he forced me to head to the ER.

When we got to the ER the took me up immediately and hooked me up to the fetal monitor. The sweet nurse was so young and she looked at me and said "Yup, you are in active labor." I remember laying in the bed not believing what I was hearing. The doctor came in and said you will either be having your baby or you will be staying in the hospital on bed rest until the baby does come. I was hoping I would have to just stay on bedrest but Grey had other plans. They tried stopping my labor and he was not interested. 2 pushes and he was here! He spent 12 days in the NICU and showed everyone how strong he was right away.

This year, this is a hard year. Obviously it's the first birthday without our son in our arms. We just had his celebration of life Saturday 11/5 and our emotions are all over the board. We are exhausted and drained. We had this celebration of life planned and had this idea of a party instead of a funeral since we found out Greyson's diagnosis was terminal. We didn't want it to be a stuffy funeral at a funeral home or have it be something that would be more fit for an eldery person. We knew the diagnosis was something that would rob him of his childhood, so we wanted to give him a party. Something light and more fit for his age. When Grey passed, I knew I wanted to celebrate him and his birthday at the same time. This weekend was absolutely perfect. We decorated the space with all of Greyson's favorite things. We brought his Lightz of Hope light, his Tiny Superhero cape that we had framed, some of his stuffies, and other things of Greyson's we wanted to share with everyone. We had a wonderful turn out. So many people came to support us and our family. It was so wonderful to have all the love and support on such a difficult day. Our friend, Kelsey Potes, took photos for us of our day. Kelsey did our engagement, wedding, and family photos. She is so talented and such a sweet and thoughtful person.

Here are photos from Greyson's Celebration

Our families decided to wear -saurus shirts. So I had a Mama saurus, Adam had Dada saurs and our dinosaur herd had their titles on their shirt. It was a beautiful and difficult day. Greyson would have loved all of the decorations and seeing everyone come who loved him so much. Thank you to every single person who came, who wrote to us, who sent us cards, sent us flowers, and to everyone who has been on this journey with us. I can't put into words how much Adam, I, and our families appreciate everything. Thank you.

I also want to just take a minute to thank everyone who helped us and donated things for our big day.

Joe Heck (Joe's Cakes)- Joe made Greyson's steggy birthday cake and cupcakes

Sarah Ruuska (Luety's flower shop)- Sarah made a beautiful flower arrangement for us

Diane Botsford-Kuhn - made cupcakes too and helped us set up!

Sue Meyer, Addie Beauchaine, Tinky, and Pat Benson - made sub sandwiches

Kelsey Potes - Marie Kelsey Photography - took the beautiful photos

Steve Rudness (Grandpa-saurus)- wrote the beautiful song for us and Grey

and Patrick Drilling recorded it for us. This site doesn't support songs on the blog, but

it will on the main page. I will be adding it today, take a listen with a box of kleenex

next to you :)

Today would have been Greyson's third birthday. 3 years of loving the most amazing boy. Just because he is no longer earthside with us, doesn't mean we aren't going to celebrate him. Tonight we are going to dinner with Grandpa-sarus Steve, Grandma-sarus Jill, and Auntie-sarus Stacey, then have cake back home. If you are able, please light a candle for Greyson tonight and please send the pictures to me. Light up your home tonight with candles or lights and share them so I can see the beautiful light our son brings into your home. You can message them to me on facebook or of course at our email - greysons.brave.story@gmail.com or on the contact page here! I would love to see them. It's a little short notice but if you can't tonight, maybe in the next few days. Lights or candles and just send love to our boy. I think I'd like to do something every year for his birthday like this - or something - to always celebrate him and celebrate his life.

Part of me is really struggling with the fact I will never have a new photo of Grey. I won't have any new videos. I'll never have the ability to hold him again and that hurts. Even as I type it, the tears well-up at the reality. I know he is with me, always, but it's still difficult to not have him here physically. He is my favorite person, that is for sure. We are still discussing how we are going to create Greyson's legacy. If we are doing a nonprofit or foundation- something. We need to find our focus.. our mission. Right now I'm thinking of helping families fund expanded genetic testing before they get pregnant to spread awareness but also make it easier for families who may pass on it because they can't afford it. The other focus I like is helping families who are struggling with a diagnosis like ours afford their expenses, or providing a box of hope. Little things to help families find happiness amongst the chaos of a life changing diagnosis. We have been so blessed to find the programs we have but we struggled in the beginning of the diagnosis. Now that we have done a lot of the work, I want to share it with anyone who can benefit from it. I want to be someone people can come to when they need help.

Thank you for being with us on this journey. Thank you for loving Adam, Greyson, and I. Thank you for supporting our family. I am so thankful that I started this blog and shared it. I wasn't going but I wanted to try and help others who are newly diagnosed or have a rare zebra know they are not alone. I'm so thankful for you for reading and being with us this entire journey.

This is a video Adam made last year for Greyson's birthday with his Songs of Love song-->

Happy Birthday little man. Mama loves you more than all the stars in the sky and fish in the sea. I hope you are running around, playing, getting dirty, having treats, and being a 3 year old. I love you buddy man.

xoxo,

Kim