Girls weekend, puppy craziness, birthday, life, and everything in between

I have been very lucky in my life to have the most wonderful group of girlfriends for the majority of my life. I met one of my best friends in preschool and then the rest of our group was in middle school. I can’t speak for them, but these girls are my ride or die. I know that no matter where we are in life, no matter what is going on, I can count on them. If I needed them, they would drop whatever is going on to be there with me and I would for them. They check on me, to make sure I’m doing ok often. They know when I’m lying when I say ”I’m ok”and will call me out on it. They don’t sugarcoat things and they let you speak our mind without judgement. My girls are my family and I would honestly be lost without them.

My girls planned a trip to Traverse City, Michigan for a fun, relaxing, girls get-away. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to attend or if I would be mentally ok to go. I decided to suck it up and go because I wanted to spend time with them and I knew I would regret it if I skipped out over my grief. My own head was putting this fear of going- but they have supported me for the majority of my life, why wouldn’t they now? I was worried I would be a downer if I cried or talked about Grey, but I also realized they love Grey and they love me, so they would never judge me for having feelings over losing my son. I packed up Friday and left bright and early. They scheduled a fun winery tour party bus that left our hotel at 3pm. I left and drove the almost 7 hours there and we all pulled in just in time to hop on the bus. We all picked up as if no time had passed since we last say each other.

The winery bus was so much fun and we toured 3 different wineries. I’m not a huge wine drinker but each one I had a flight of wine, enjoyed the gorgeous views, and the even better company. I ended up enjoying the wine (maybe a little too much.. see the photos below haha) We were out for awhile and needed some dinner once we were done. Saturday we did a bike/kayak brewery tour. You meet at the shop, pick up your bike and head about 5 miles to the first brewery, enjoyed a flight there, and then back on the bike for a few more miles to the second place. We ordered pizza, had a drink, and then headed off to the kayaks. The kayak was on a lake and most of it was in a channel so it was an easy kayak ride. It was beautiful. The third brewery was so fun and then kayaked back to where our bikes where. Then hopped back on the bikes and back to the main shop. It was a very cool way to tour these breweries and see the scenery of Traverse City! The bike ride was really nice too- only one up hill area - the rest was flat and really nice considering it had been YEARS since I have been on a non-stationary bike. After our tour we decided to walk around downtown and do a little shopping. We needed a break from walking so we headed back to the hotel and got all dolled up for a nice dinner downtown. Sunday -Shannon had to leave, but Laura, Steff, and I decided to enjoy the pool at our hotel. We stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge, so it was definitely meant for smaller kiddos but we made the best of it! We spent a good chunk of the day outside in the sun reading and napping.

The weekend FLEW by, but it was so wonderful to spend time with my girls. We all have stuff going on that keeps us from getting together was often as we'd like, and I'm really glad I went. The drive home was a little rough (I was a little hungover and really tired- but my own fault!) :) so I listened to music, some podcasts, an audiobook, and just enjoyed the scenery. I had class Monday night but I had until 5pm to head to school so I made it home with plenty of time.

The first winery had a stunning "Secret Garden"

This is when Kim has too much wine :)

I love these girls.

This was the second day of our trip - the Bike/Kayak and Brew Tour. We all wore dino shirts for Grey.

After the bike kayak and brew tour we went back up to the hotel and got a little dolled up and went out to dinner

Shannon had to leave us on Sunday but Laura, Steff, and I decided to say Sunday night too and we spent the afternoon exploring and we went to this cute little Macron place in downtown TC

The dino girls :)

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Cheers baby!

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It was such a wonderful weekend with the girls. A little "break" in the routine and just to spend time together. I would be so lost without them. We have all been through so much in our lives - and we've all been there for every step. No matter how much time passes between seeing each other, it's like we just pick up where we left off.

If you girls read this - I love you. You are my soul sisters. I can truly say I would not be the person I am today without each of you. You all keep me grounded, keep me sane, and remind me to be the person that Greyson wants me to be. You each have supported me through the most difficult challenge of my life (and continue to do so!) and I hope you know I will always be here to support you in whatever challenge you face. I am just a phone call or text away. I love you girls more than you will ever know!

Once I got back home, it was back to reality. The weekend gave me a breath of fresh air and I went back to work and class. My classes are going pretty well. I'm currently taking Nursing Skills, Nursing Fundamentals, and Microbiology. It's a lot but the classes are 16 weeks this semester instead 8 weeks like my previous classes. It's a lot but now I have more time to actually retain some information :)

Thursdays I have microbiology lab and we have to wear clothes that cover you (and a lab coat) because we are dealing with some icky material. Well I wore my Rare Mama shirt last week and realized I've never worn that in public. Mostly because I don't really wear t-shirts. I'm not a skinny girl and always feel a little self conscious in t-shirts. I've been working on my weight and realized that I felt so much better wearing it so the weight is coming off. I sat in my car before class started and saw my steggy sitting on my dash and the tears just started flowing. I got it under control and headed into lab. It was such a weird feeling.. I'm sad because I miss the crap out of my son. I miss the life we had/grieving the life I dreamed of.. but I'm really proud of Adam and I for going back to school and doing this damn thing. I know I'll never stop missing Grey, I will never stop loving him, I'll never stop crying.. but I'm so proud to be his Mama and proud of the person he is making me into.

We are going to change this world for him - and I'm really excited for that.

There is a program that creates AI photos of your actual photos. I downloaded it to see- and I created these of Greyson. I had to stop because honestly it was too hard to see him doing things in these photos he never actually did. He never stood or even sat like these photos. It was hard to "see" him running and playing.. but my goodness that one of him in the tux looks SO real. It is his face - and he's so incredibly handsome. I stopped at this age.. I couldn't handle seeing him older. It was a random night and I thought why not, let's try it. Adam and I made one cute kid, that's for sure! Even though this is AI and it's not exact, you can see his features come through and man, this kid!

We also have been working hard to get our backyard fixed up. Adam and my Dad fixed our fence (it was leaning preeeeettty hard so they had to dig out the pilings and fix them), while I weeded the retaining wall and side yard to prepare for flowers and mulch. I'm really proud of how it turned out and how much nicer it is back there.

I didn't take too many before photos, but these two are just before we started planting.

The recent storm knocked most of my seed out, but we still have had some visitors :)

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I also shared this on social media the other day.. I was studying in my office and Millie usually comes and snuggles on the bed while I'm working. I turned around and couldn't find her so I figured she went downstairs to be with Adam. I started making noise and I heard her loud dramatic sigh... and then I spotted her :)

"Mom, I'm RIGHT HERE, now SHHH, I'm napping"

She cracks me up. She recently had her spay surgery and she has gone SO crazy since then. She's so playful and goofy. As she's getting older she doesn't snuggle like she used to, but every once and awhile she wants to be RIGHT on top of you :)

Goofy girl..

She usually sleeps in the bed with Adam and I - and she'll hop down when she's ready to go outside. The other morning we must have slept through her hopping down because this is how I found her!

She has been spending a lot of time in Greyson's room lately too. I found her like this the other night :) just snuggling with Grey's baby blanket in the recliner. I ended up joining her and reading my book in there before bed. It's been our new nightly routine.

She gets the zoomies - usually late at night :)

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She was watching football last night with Adam ;)

Greyson's one year angelversary is 9/6. 3 days from today. It's been an entire year since I held my son, heard his noises, kissed his cheeks, felt his weight on my chest.. and I am struggling with that. Therapy has really helped me feel less guilt and responsibility over Greyson's diagnosis but I am struggling with how much I miss him. It physically hurts. I feel empty a lot of the time. It comes in waves - like I've mentioned before - some days I feel ok and strong. Some days, I feel so broken and just lost. It's hard seeing all the back to school photos.. knowing my son would have been 4 years old this November.. we'd get getting ready for preschool. I have this picture in my head of him with an oversized backpack and his little first day of school sign. Something I'll never actually see.. I can only imagine it. I know that with Tay-Sachs taking so much from him, he's at peace now and no longer suffering.. but my mind always goes to - what if he didn't have Tay-Sachs. What if we were still blissfully unaware of what Tay-Sachs was. If we had never gotten those genetic test results on March 26, 2021. What if. So many what ifs. What would our life look like today if Tay-Sachs was never a part of our lives? We just got home from Auntie Courtney's pool on this super hot day.. and I kept wishing Grey was there to splash around with. He would love Auntie's pool. I wish he was physically here with us to enjoy it.

I've been asking Grey for "signs" lately. I haven't been noticing them as much as before, so I'm trying to focus more and notice the little things. Yesterday morning, my parents took us all out for my birthday breakfast. After breakfast we went to my parent's house for kringle and ice cream. We spent some time visiting and headed home so I could get some studying done and Adam could watch Michigan football. We came in and this electric candle was on. The weird thing is, the only way to turn those candles on is by a remote, which was under the shelf on our entertainment center. Millie was in her crate and no one else was home. They are not on a timer and can't be turned on without that remote.. well, it may be a coincidence or maybe it was a sign.. but that has NEVER happened before.

I'm taking that as a sign from my boy saying "you can't miss this one, Mama!"

I'm not sure how I'm feeling lately- I am trying not to build up my anxiety over Grey's angelversary, I'm trying to focus on the wonderful memories we have.. and remind myself that all Grey knew his ENTIRE life was love and comfort. We made sure he knew how much he was loved when he was alive and how much he still IS loved on the other side.

I am still working on creating The Greyson Kent Foundation and I have my two ideas set of how I want to help other people. I need to start fundraising so I can get it off the ground. I'm thinking of selling some shirts through bonfire, maybe creating some items to help spread awareness. Keep an eye out for that :) more to come!

As always - if you have any questions or want a topic discussed, please feel free to reach out on the "contact us" page or greysons.brave.story@gmail.com

xoxo,

Kim